I grew up in the Mormon religion and convinced myself I was straight to please the church. I’m still trying to understand my bisexuality.
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For the first three decades of my life, I spent a lot of time in constant worry that anything I did would make me “unworthy.”
To most people, it might sound like I’m trying to lift Thor’s hammer, but to Mormon youths, “worthiness” is everything. It means you are obeying the rules that the church says are important.
One of the biggest is sexual purity. Mormons aren’t supposed to “do the deed” outside marriage. But there’s a lot more to it: You also have to keep your thoughts pure. I struggled with that because I was a teenager; thinking about sex is part of the package.
I felt so guilty about my sexual thoughts that I would frequent the office of my ecclesiastical leader, known as the bishop. He put my mind at ease, telling me that what I was going through was perfectly natural. He helped me realize that it’s OK to think about sex once in a while but that I shouldn’t dwell on it.
I thought I had it all figured out — until the question of my sexual orientation came up.
From a young age, I knew I liked women. As early as 8 or 9, I remember feeling a funny sensation in the lower part of my body when I thought about them, but I didn’t understand what that was.
During my teenage years, I felt that same sensation when I saw a male body. By that point, I did know what it was, and it scared me.
Content retrieved from: https://www.insider.com/bisexual-grew-up-mormon-convinced-myself-straight-2023-7.
