Dating a narcissist is just like Scientology – therapist reveals red flags that prove you’re in a ‘cult of one’
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Dating a narcissist is exactly like being lured into a cult, a licensed therapist and self-proclaimed narcissism expert has declared.
In fact, she refers to it as a ‘cult of one’ – because the two share so many similarities.
In her book Narcissistic Abuse, Vanessa M Reiser says: ‘The strategies that narcissists instinctively use to get their way in personal relationships can be strikingly similar to the coercive tactics used by destructive cult leaders to indoctrinate and control their followers.’
She continues: ‘In a relationship with a narcissist or in a cult, outsiders are viewed as dangerous or as potential enemies. This turns your red-flag radar outward, distracting you from problems within the narcissistically abusive relationship or cult until it is too late.
‘From there, cult leaders inject shame, guilt, coercion, and fear to keep their members (victims) in line.’
Reiser, herself a survivor of narcissistic abuse, was caught up in a messy RHONJ storyline this year, after attempting to file a restraining order against her former fiancé, Luis Ruelas.
Ruelas’s wife Teresa Giudice discussed the scandal in an episode of the show that aired in July.
Reiser, 51, dated Ruelas from 2018 to 2020, and in a legal action, filed after they broke up, she accused him of ‘punishing’ her if his sexual demands weren’t met.
‘He demanded that I be available for sex whenever he wanted,’ she said in the court papers. ‘If I objected to his demands, Luis Ruelas would punish me. He would be nasty, withdraw from me, and blame me for what happened.’
In her book, she writes: ‘Victims are taught to discount their own intuition and healthy instincts in favor of the narcissist’s value system.
‘Having doubts about the cult of one is considered a betrayal and could be met with punishment.’
That could mean they are on the receiving end of passive aggression or the silent treatment, she says, or even more physically violent tactics, to keep them in line.
‘Both in a cult and in an individual relationship with a narcissist, lies are repeated so often that they seem true. I’ve seen people who are unable to discern fact from fiction when they leave cults or these relationships, because they were gaslit and brainwashed into believing things that were disconnected from reality.
‘Sound familiar?’ she asks. ‘If you are or were in a relationship with a narcissist, I’m betting it does.’
She even compares some toxic relationship patterns to the NXIVM cult – in which leader Keith Raniere had followers brand themselves with his initials.
‘Many of my clients were coerced into getting tattoos as well, a different kind of branding and a way that the cult leader or narcissist can gauge a victim’s devotion,’ she writes.
As in many cults, a narcissistic partner may woo you by pretending to be ‘attentive, compassionate, empathic, flexible, self-effacing, and helpful… at home, though… they are tyrannical, demanding, opinionated, aggressive, and exploitative.
‘After a narcissist has stalked, recruited, or lured their supply, they generally move on to love-bombing,’ she adds, ‘which looks like capture-bonding in the cult cycle of abuse.’
When a cult member is capture-bonded, they often give away all their possessions, and change the way they talk and the clothes they wear to match a cult ‘uniform’.
Content retrieved from: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14073791/Dating-narcissist-just-like-cult-therapist-reveals-red-flags-signal-cult-one.html.
