Sex with a gaslighter: A therapist explains the warning signs
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In recent years, the term ‘gaslighting’ has entered the public consciousness, but when a word is in such common use, the true meaning can sometimes get lost.
With that in mind, before we get into discussing sex with a gaslighter, it’s worth a quick clarification of terms. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where an individual seeks to exert control over the other by making them doubt their sanity. It is often characterised by a pattern of lying, dismissing someone else’s reality, and manipulation.
Survivors of gaslighting explain that the behaviour is hugely disorientating and isolating, with abusers often taking advantage of their insecurities in order to further their manipulation tactics.
It can be important to know the warning signs of gaslighting so that individuals can spot, and potentially prevent, such behaviour. This isn’t to place the responsibility on victims, however, but a way to spread as much information as possible as a means of harm reduction.
It’s also worth considering one of the lesser-considered areas where coercive behaviour like gaslighting can manifest: during a sexual encounter or other intimate moments of sexual closeness or disclosure.
In the interest of raising awareness of this kind of troubling behaviour and how else it might manifest in sexual contexts, Cosmopolitan UK spoke to sex and relationships therapist Lucy Frank.
Sex with a gaslighter: what it looks like
Firstly, Frank emphasises that gaslighting is often an effort to control and manipulate, or to rewrite the past in a way which favours the gaslighter. “Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your sense of reality. It’s a pattern of behaviour where your feelings, memories, or reactions are repeatedly dismissed or rewritten, until you start questioning yourself rather than the situation,” she explains. “At its core, it’s about power — and about making someone doubt their own inner compass.”
Read more https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a69975745/sex-with-a-gaslighter/
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